![]() The last episode when I still living at home was that I felt like some force was turning me round in a circle in the room. Lights seem to glow brighter and brighter, things floated against my eyes, covered my eyes, they disappeared and on another occasion when I closed my eye they still remained, so I was really, really ill. Because actually the person, mental health services are quite, a little bit concerned, the fact that I pulled down my sleeves, because then that was like a really small thing that I’d actually modified my behaviour. It’s like, you know, if you think your house is on fire, you know, but like what per cent of you knows it’s not on fire. Is not in terms of mental health services that’s what they sort of say to me, because it’s like, you know, may be you won’t ever get rid of all those kind of thoughts, but it’s not acting them out, and it’s not kind of escalating it into the real world. I think that’s probably as good as it gets with me, is not to act it out. Or I think you can may be in terms of your behaviour, but you can’t in terms of your thoughts. You can’t over … well you can and you can’t over rule yourself. It is really hard, yes, that idea of being over, yes it is hard to over rule yourself, because it is so kind of there. This is other people in my life.” And, and I was able to do that with all but one voice. And I guess I started it on myself by, by looking at those, and I found by looking at the characteristics I was able to start naming my voices properly and saying, “This is this is the Priest, this is my father. I started looking at the different characteristics of voices, and people I think sometimes wonder why I manage to do that and I think it’s because, even though I, I wasn’t involved in the church for years and years and years, I still remember that one of the things in church that we did was that we looked at the characteristics of God and that each part of the Trinity, if you believe in the Trinity, had different characteristics and so I started using that stuff on my voices, that my voices had different characteristics that some were male, some were female, some were positive, some were negative, some were abusive, some were non-abusive, some were advisory, some were commanding and I started looking at those characteristics and I started breaking them down, and that formulated I guess the, the start of the Working with Voices workbook started then, and, you know, and it didn’t come out till much later but that’s when it really started. So then I had I don’t know if it’s helpful to like go into the delusions that it created, just trying to figure out what was happening. And then a, you know, a bit later I actually started hearing them inside my head. This thing thinks for itself, and tries to trip you up and play games with you, every step of the way. Psychiatrists will tell you that it’s just your own thoughts, but you know, I don’t buy that at all. But it’s actually a, an entity with its own thoughts. They’re I mean my frame of reference now that it’s another facet of my soul that’s doing it. So … So yes, then I’d start hearing them from various electronic devices, you know, if there was a, say a smoke alarm in the corner of the room, they’d emanate from there. Because obviously you’ve got no concept that it’s coming from inside your head because it’s too realistic. Where is it coming from? Who’s doing it to me? So I had like ten years of that, you know, and it’s and it’s just your mind trying to ration and reason with how, where’s it coming from. So it’s just a, process of reasoning how, you know, how am I hearing these things. ![]() And then you know, as things got worse and worse I’d hear them on the phone when I was speaking to friends, family on the phone, in the background which led me to believe that things were being done electronically. And when you don’t know that this is what’s happening, you’re completely taken in and think these people are abusing you. That’s how they started, so I always thought they, if and voices very clever they will take on the form of another person’s voice so it will appear as it’s coming from that person. To start with they were always outside, so if I was in a building I could hear them outside the window. Psychosis Hearing voices, seeing things, and unusual beliefs
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